Why even try

So after five long months of preparing applications for graduate school, looking into places I wanted to attend, spending money, and knowing I could trust him telling me, "Yea I'll go with you," he has now decided that he isn't ready to move off.
Crushed isn't the word. Devestated is more like it.
And what is so sad about my own self is that I won't go - no matter where I get in - I won't go if he won't go with me.
So why even try any more, huh? What is the point of working hard for something and planning your life with a person when they wake up one day and break the news to you that they aren't coming. That your plans for your lives together aren't riding in the same car and a pit stop must be made.

Why couldn't he have told me this say.... five months ago. When I asked him. When I told him to be mature and think about everything that would happen in the future. What happened to me trying to get him to understand that I was graduating soon and that his vow to go with me was something that I kept. Did any of what I said matter?

Now he's got all these rules. "I need a break" he tells me. Well, what the hell happened to me wanting to go on a break and him not letting me. But yet he can put his foot down and get what he wants when he wants it.

I never thought breaking up or going on breaks would happen to micheal and I. We were happy. He told me himself he was so happy with me. Yesterday he said the happiness faded away and he wasn't sure any more.

In theory, my life has been a vortex of nothingness for the past 24 hours. It started off with him ignoring me - not talking to me like an adult - but ignoring me. Then he said he wanted time. Then I told him I deserved to talk to him face to face. And he didn't want that and threatend to break up with me if I did come see him. Then when I saw him, he wouldn't touch me or kiss me or even say I love you.

How, after two years, do you just let all of it go like this? How? How do the moments that took your breath away and the experiences you shared suddenly mean nothing?

For over 6 years now I have given up everything to be with him. And now I'm going to give up the next 6 years so he can fulfill his dreams?
Whatever happened to following what each other has done and working hard to be with each other.
Suddenly forever isn't enough and dreams I've held and plans I've made are just dust in the wind that I careless to chase after.
People will tell me not to worry about it. But you haven't met this boy. You haven't fallen in love with him only to have him break your heart and then realize he loves you.

God, why is this happening? What is this plan you are doing right now? Please give me your peace that passes all understanding as I travel alone into this feeling of emptyness, a void only you can feel.